Monday, December 13, 2010

Leave It Behind

December 11: 11 Things.  What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

I’ve already eliminated a lot of “things” in my life this past year, mostly objects, but there are definitely some things I’d like to still eliminate:

1. Fear ~ Of course there is a certain amount of fear in life that is good, like fear of relapsing or being aware walking to your car at night or who’s at the door at 3am or touching a hot stove. The fear I’d like to leave behind is all the fear of the unknown, of not feeling like I’m enough or good enough, fear of being hurt again, fear of failure. All those irrational fears that plague so many of us in recovery. I think everyone has these fears at times but the difference is that at times it has debilitated my life. While I’ve come a LONG way fear still plays to big a role in my life.

2. Expectations ~ It’s so much easier to enjoy the experience when you’re not expecting people, places or things to be a certain way.

3. Laziness ~ I’m a procrastinator. I’ll say this is an advantage as I work well under pressure but I wish I’d just get it done in the first place.

4. Being overweight ~ I was doing good on the eating plan but then all the stress started and I turned to food.  I want to be healthy. I don’t want to get diabetes. Unless my eating habits change this is going to be my future.

5. Self-Doubt ~ I second guess myself. I often think I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, to fat. I fear no one will ever love me, that I’ll never met that person to share my life with.

6. Eating out ~ I don’t really do this much but I do usually get breakfast at the local coffee shop. Now I take my coffee to work with me but I usually get a bagel or a breakfast burrito once I get to work. This is an expensive habit and it needs to stop. Simply being better prepared will help.

7. Clutter ~ I’d really LOVE to be a clutter-free person but honestly, I don’t see this one changing any time soon. 2011 is 12 months long though so who knows. The reason I don’t see it changing is that my whole life is crammed into my room.  Also I’m a MESSY crafter and I share a crafting space with Kary and we have a lot of stuff between the two of us. Luckily I haven’t been buying anything to add to the cramped quarters.

8. Resentments ~ #2 Expectations lead to resentments. Since riding oneself of resentments is part of working a recovery program I get to stay on top of this, but it would be nice to not get them in the first place.

9. Judgments ~ We judge. Everyone does it. Sometimes it’s a good thing because we have to judge if it’s a safe environment or if those people are good for your kids to be around or you to befriend. But there are the judgments we make without having all the facts or the ones we’ve taken on from our parents or preconceived notions that we should leave behind.

10. Stress ~ The things I worry about usually don’t happen, at least not like I imagine them so I don’t understand why I let myself get all in an uproar, whether internally or externally. If I’m trusting in my Higher Power then I shouldn’t be stressing right?

11. Selfishness ~ I’m selfish. I like things to go my way. The way I think they should. The world would be a better place right? lol  I’d like to think of others more and myself a little less in the coming year.

So there you have it. I wish there was a making wand to make these things disappear from my life but I bet they will all appear on next years list as well. Each of them is a constant state of practice and evolving within me. I can only hope for progress, not perfection.

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